I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
