i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
