Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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