Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
