I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
