I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
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