i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
