just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I have aggressive nipples.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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