my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
