I wish my penis had an off switch
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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