Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Come share oat with me in your robe
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
