Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
