sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
