whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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