i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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