Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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