Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
