i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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