i just sold back the books i vomitted on
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
