they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize