Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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