just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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