I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
