Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
