elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
