she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
