I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
