This is not my ceiling
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
