I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
