apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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