if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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