My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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