john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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