yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
