Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
