apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
