time to smoke my breakfast
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
