so explain again why im purple
no
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
