I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
