I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
