just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
