Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Randomize
