Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
