this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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