i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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