i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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