You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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