it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
