I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
