I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize