You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
