she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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