Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize