You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Boobs speak an international language.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
