kristin has been a bad kristin
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
