you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
