I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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