i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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