You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
