he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
