I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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