I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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