So drunk its hurt
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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